


The Hangover

by TrisPrior111



Category: Sharja
Genre: F/F, France - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:31:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6366946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrisPrior111/pseuds/TrisPrior111
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tarja and Sharon wake up to discover that they had a wild night after their concert in Geneva. They have to make it to Paris for the final concert of the tour that night ... which means spending the day in the car together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wake Up

Sharon den Adel awoke to the feeling of a 500 pound hammer being pounded repeatedly into her skull. Actually, she was pretty sure there was a handsaw in there too. 

 

She knew the feeling of a hangover all too well, but it had been a long time since she had had one, especially one as bad as this. She tried to remember what had happened the night before, but her mind was drawing a blank. The last thing she remembered was going out to a bar with everyone after the show.

 

She couldn’t believe herself. She was 41 years old, for god’s sakes, not 20. She wasn’t supposed to be out partying like this. Those days were far behind her. 

 

She had to interrupt her mental scolding when her senses had awoken enough to realize that she was naked. And not only that, but there was another body lying very close to hers. Actually, there was someone lying half on top of her. 

 

She immediately started to panic. What had she done? She had gotten so drunk that she had obviously slept with someone and she couldn’t remember a thing? What was wrong with her?

 

A thought hit her that immediately calmed her down. Maybe it was Robert. They were on tour, so that was definitely a possibility. Maybe they had all gone out and partied and then gone back to their hotel rooms

 

But whoever was in the bed with her did not feel like Robert. The skin she felt against her legs and stomach was much too soft. Actually, it felt like a woman.

 

Sharon opened her eyes slowly, wincing at the bright sunlight streaming in through the windows. When her eyes had finally adjusted, she looked down and her blood froze when she saw long dark hair spread out across the pillow next to her.

 

She had slept with Tarja. Tarja Turunen. Her friend, her colleague. Her heart started racing as she thought of the possible consequences of her actions. They were on tour together. After realizing what had happened, Tarja probably wouldn’t even want to sing with her anymore. She also could have ruined the beautiful friendship that she held so dear to her heart. Sharon closed her eyes again, feeling close to tears. What had she done?

 

Their tour was ending. Tonight. Their last show was tonight.

 

Panic seized her and she slowly turned over on her side, careful not to disturb Tarja, to look at the clock on the nightstand. 

 

It was 10:54. After a quick scan of her surroundings, she realized that she didn’t recognize the hotel room they were in. It looked completely different from the one she had been staying at the day before in Geneva, which meant that it couldn’t even have been the same hotel. How far had they gone? The last show was in Paris; they had to be there by 3:00 for soundcheck and rehearsal and then the concert started at 8:00.

 

And that’s when she felt Tarja start to stir next to her.

 

Sharon squeezed her eyes shut and prayed to god that she hadn’t woken her up.

 

But it was too late.

 

“Vittu,” she heard Tarja mutter, and she couldn't keep her lips from curving upwards. 

 

Tarja mumbled something under her breath that Sharon couldn’t make out, but she guessed it was a string of Finnish curse words. Sharon opened her eyes again and watched as Tarja slowly rolled over from where she had been laying, her face buried in the pillow and her leg slung over Sharon’s body. Her hair was obscuring half her face as she opened her eyes and squinted at her surroundings. Then she looked over at Sharon.

 

“Sharon? What’s going on?” she murmured sleepily. “Where are we?”

 

“Um … I’m not exactly sure about that,” Sharon replied.

 

Tarja turned back over to her original position. Sharon sighed as it became clear to her that her friend was still half asleep and hadn’t realized the gravity of their situation.

 

“Tarja,” she said carefully. “Don’t go back to sleep.”

 

She only got a groan in reply.

 

“Tarja,” she said again. “Something … happened last night.”

 

“Yeah, evidently, because it feels like my head is about to explode,” she mumbled, turning her head sideways on the pillow to face Sharon, then closing her eyes again.

 

“Mine too,” Sharon said. “But … there’s something … else that happened.”

 

Tarja didn’t reply, so Sharon reached over and put a hand on her bare shoulder, shaking her gently.

 

“Tarja, I need you to wake up. We have to get out of here or we’re going to miss the concert tonight. I don’t even know where we are.”

 

As if Sharon’s touch had electrocuted her, Tarja suddenly sat straight up, grabbing the sheet to cover her chest. Her eyes darted around the room frantically. Sharon followed her gaze and saw their clothing that was strewn across the floor; she saw the black dress Tarja had been wearing in a puddle on the ground, their bras thrown carelessly over the chair, and her own red lacy underwear on top of the comforter.

 

Tarja’s eyes got huge, and then she looked back over at Sharon.

 

“We … we …”

 

Sharon nodded, looking down and bracing herself for the worst. When Tarja would tell her that she wouldn’t sing with her and that they couldn’t be friends anymore. Maybe Tarja would even blame her for what had happened. Maybe she would think Sharon had planned to get her drunk just to get into her pants.

 

“I … I can’t remember anything. What happened last night, Sharon?” Tarja asked quietly.

 

Sharon slowly looked back up at her friend and sighed. 

 

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I can’t remember either. The last thing I remember is going out to that bar after the show yesterday evening in Geneva.”

 

“But we … we obviously …” Tarja broke off and gestured to the clothing thrown hastily around the room. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in her hands. 

 

“Yes,” Sharon looked away. “I’m so sorry, Tarja. We must have been really drunk.”

 

When Tarja didn’t respond after a moment, Sharon looked over to see her curled up in a tight ball turned away from her.

 

“Tarja?” Sharon asked hesitantly, putting a hand on her shoulder.

 

She didn’t respond, and after a moment, Sharon felt the younger woman begin to shake with silent sobs.

 

“Hey,” Sharon said softly, feelings of helplessness welling up inside her. “Hey, don’t cry. It’s okay.”

 

“I-I h-have a h-husband, Sharon,” she sobbed. “And you have Robert! We have families.” She whipped her head around to face Sharon again, and Sharon could see the agony in her eyes. “Oh, how could we have been so careless?”

 

Sharon felt dread claw at her stomach. Tarja was right. They had both cheated on their partners. They were old enough to know the effects of alcohol and yet they had gotten completely wasted and had been unfaithful.

 

Tears filled her own eyes as she thought about Robert, Logan, Eva, and Robin. What had she done? Would Robert want her anymore? Had she destroyed her beautiful family? Had she destroyed their band? She would have to tell Robert. They were always open with each other and she knew she couldn’t keep a secret from him even if she wanted to. Chances were he would know something was wrong just from looking at her.

 

The thought suddenly hit her that the rest of the band and crew probably didn’t even know where they were. They would have already left for Paris by now without them.

 

Sharon reached for her phone on the nightstand and pressed the button to turn it on, but the screen remained dark.

 

She cursed and grabbed her purse, digging around inside it for her phone charger.

 

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

 

“I’ll get it,” she said.

 

Tarja looked up at her, her face stained with tears. Sharon felt her heart clench painfully at seeing her friend so miserable. 

 

“Thanks,” Tarja whispered.

 

“Just a minute!” Sharon yelled. Shen then retrieved her clothing and yanked it on before running across the room and opening the door to reveal a hotel maid.

 

“Ah, ‘eello,” she said with a heavy French accent. “Zees ees zee room of Meez den Adel and Meez Turunen?”

 

Sharon nodded.

 

“I am sorry to interroopt your morning, boot zee check out time eez at 11. Eet eez 11 and you are steel in zee room so we ‘ave to ask you to please leave as soon as is possible.”

 

“Certainly,” Sharon said, and closed the door.

 

She went into the bathroom to splash some water on her face. She cringed when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her hair was tangled and matted and the heavy makeup she had on the day before was smeared down her cheeks. The shimmery tank top she had been wearing was now wrinkled, as was her black skirt. She let out a bitter laugh at the image in front of her.

 

Sighing, she soaked a washcloth and scrubbed the leftover makeup from her face. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail with a black elastic from her arm. 

 

She went back into the main room to retrieve her purse so she could do her makeup. She saw that Tarja had gotten dressed and was holding up both of their purses, a far away expression on her face. 

 

Sharon hesitated a moment before taking her purse from Tarja’s outstretched hand. “Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Tarja said quietly, without making eye contact.

 

Sharon bit her lip when she noticed the redness around Tarja’s eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but then shut it just as quickly and turned away to avoid continuing their awkward encounter, walking briskly towards the bathroom.

 

After a long pause, Sharon looked into the mirror to see Tarja walking in behind her, her gaze trained on the floor. Sharon moved her makeup bag over on the tiny white tiled counter to make room for Tarja to set her stuff down.

 

Tarja placed her bag on the very edge of the counter, as far away from Sharon as possible. But she had to lean in closer to be able to see herself in the mirror to put on her makeup and as she did, her and Sharon’s elbows touched.

 

“Sorry,” Tarja mumbled, blushing and shifting over as far as she could, only achieving a few inches between them.

 

“It’s alright,” Sharon said as she applied mascara. “We can kind of take turns.”

 

For the next 5 minutes, they awkwardly switched off putting on makeup and waiting for the other person to finish, all while trying not to meet each other’s eyes in the mirror.

 

“Well, her accent was French,” Sharon finally said as she stuffed her makeup back into her bag. “We might have gone closer to where we needed to be anyway.”

 

“We could also be way farther away though,” Tarja pointed out. “France is huge. But I don’t think we could have gone that far from Geneva. I mean, we didn’t have a car.”

 

“That’s true,” Sharon agreed.

 

They did a final check of the hotel room to make sure they hadn’t left anything behind.

 

“I think we have everything,” Sharon said.

 

Tarja nodded, following Sharon through the room and towards the door.

 

Just as she was about to open the door, Sharon turned around and pulled Tarja into a hug before she could talk herself out of it.

 

To her relief, Tarja returned the embrace.

 

“We’re going to figure this out,” Sharon whispered.


	2. Reality

“Good morning!” the hotel clerk at the front desk of the hotel greeted them when they reached the lobby.

 

“Hello,” Sharon forced a smile. “We’d like to check out, please.”

 

“Of course. Room noomber?”

 

“Room 22,” Sharon said, and then handed her their room cards and her credit card. 

 

“Sharon-” Tarja tried to protest. 

 

“Don't worry about it,” Sharon waved her off. 

 

When the clerk gave Sharon back her credit card, Sharon asked her, “Um, would you mind telling us … how we got here last night? I mean, if you were here then…”

 

The woman looked between them quickly, then back at Sharon. 

 

“Eet was at about 3:00 een zee morning and you got off of a … comment on dit … eet was a boos weez a lot of people. Eet was a … I forgot how you say … ah, eet eez a party boos, I think.”

 

“Oh my god,” Tarja hid her head in her hands. 

 

Sharon sighed. She was pretty sure she didn't even want to know what they had done the night before. 

 

“Sharon,” Tarja said quietly, taking her hands away from her face and looking up at her. “There's going to be pictures.” 

 

Her stomach dropped to the floor. “Oh god, I didn't even think of that.” 

 

Tarja leaned forward and rested her arms on the counter. “How drunk were we?” 

 

The woman behind the desk looked between them again, then back down at her computer. She bit her lip and looked up at them again. 

 

“You can tell us,” Sharon said. 

 

The woman still looked uncomfortable. “You weer … you weer keesing each oozer. You seemed very droonk.” 

 

Sharon felt her cheeks redden and didn't dare meet Tarja’s eyes. Even though they had already figured out that they had done a lot more than kiss, somehow hearing it from someone else made it even more embarrassing. 

 

“You weer also singing toogeezer. And sort of dancing through zee lobby.” 

 

“Okay!” Tarja held up her hand. “I've heard enough.” 

 

“Could you please tell us where we are?” Sharon asked.

 

“Of course. You are een Marseille.”

 

Panic swept over Sharon like a tidal wave.

 

“Marseille?” Tarja and Sharon looked at each other in despair.

 

“Oh my god,” Tarja whispered, and Sharon saw tears filling her eyes again.

 

“How long does it take to get to Paris from here?” Sharon demanded.

 

“Do you ‘ave a show?” the clerk’s eyes widened.

 

“Yes!” Sharon cried. “The sound check is at 3:00 and the concert’s at 8. There’s no way we’ll make it in time.”

 

“Wait, wait,” the clerk held up her hand. “I weel call zee airport.”

 

She punched in the numbers to dial the airport and held the phone to her ear.

 

Sharon and Tarja waited, exchanging panicked glances, as the clerk spoke in rapid French. Her voice rose- she seemed to be arguing with the person on the other end, and then she finally hung up.

 

“I am so sorry,” she said to them. “But zere eez no room on zee flights that go out today. What you weel ‘ave to do eez to take one oof our shuttles that go to zee airport. Zere, you can rent a car that you can use to go to Paris.”

 

“How long will it take to drive there?” Sharon asked her.

 

“Eet takes a little over 7 hours, deepending on traffic.”

 

“Oh my god,” Sharon did the math in her head. “No … this is impossible..”

 

They were going to barely make it if everything went smoothly. If there was any traffic or road work or accidents, they would miss it. She had never screwed something up so badly in her entire life. And on top of everything else, there were probably pictures of them making out and doing god knows what else all over the internet. In fact, their husbands and children, as well as the rest of the world, most likely already knew what they had done the night before.

 

“We have to try, Sharon,” Tarja’s soft voice drew her out of her thoughts.

 

“You’re right,” Sharon said. “Okay. Let’s go.”

 

**********

Once they had paid for the rental car, they went to a nearby store in the airport to buy food for the day.

 

“What do you want in your coffee?” Sharon asked.

 

“Um, just some milk, please,” Tarja, who had been perusing the snack aisle, responded.

 

Sharon ordered their coffees and Tarja picked up protein bars, trail mix, and a map.

 

They paid the cashier and hurried out to the rental lot.

 

“So what are we looking for?” Sharon asked.

 

Tarja glanced down at the paper. “It’s a black Lexus.”

 

“Is that it down there?”

 

“Yeah, I think so.”

 

Tarja pressed the unlock button on the key and the car beeped.

 

“How do you want to split up the driving?” Sharon inquired.

 

“Oh, I don’t care. Switch off every couple of hours, I guess. We can’t afford to lose much time.”

 

“You’re right,” Sharon said.

 

“Well, is it okay if I drive first?” Tarja asked, holding up the keys.

 

“Of course.”

 

They got into the car. Sharon situated the snacks and coffees at her feet and set her purse in her lap. Tarja put the key in the ignition and shifted into reverse, pressing on the gas. The car shot backwards with alarming speed and Tarja slammed on the brake just before hitting the car parked in the row behind them.

 

“JESUS!” Sharon cried, her hand flying to her heart and adrenaline surging through her veins. “Are you trying to kill us?”

 

“Oh my god, Sharon! Oh my goodness, I am so sorry!” Tarja gasped. “The gas on this car is so sensitive! I was totally not expecting that…”

 

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that either!” Sharon giggled. Tarja started to laugh too.

 

“It’s okay, I’ve got it now,” Tarja said, putting the car into gear and pulling out.

 

“I’m not sure that I trust you behind the wheel,” Sharon joked as Tarja smoothly maneuvered the car out of the parking lot and out onto the street.

 

“No, no, I’m a good driver, I promise,” Tarja said, recovering from her laughter. “But I don’t know where I’m going so I need you to look at that map we picked up from the store.”

 

“Right,” Sharon said, and unfolded it on her lap.

 

Sharon told her the directions to get onto the freeway, and they went over to the fast lane.

 

“Oh, I have our coffees,” Sharon said, putting them into the cupholders.

 

“Thank you,” Tarja sighed, and picked hers up, taking a long drink.

 

Sharon watched the Finn’s neck as she swallowed and felt her cheeks get hot.

 

“I also have some pain pills,” she said, quickly shaking the feeling off. “It’s just Tylenol. I don’t know if it will work, but it might help with our headaches.”

 

She took the bottle out of her purse and shook some of the pills into her palm. The events of the morning had made her forget the pounding pain in her skull, but now that she was no longer distracted, it was back.

 

“Thank you so much,” Tarja said as Sharon handed her two of the tablets. She downed them with her coffee.

 

Sharon did the same and then she clapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh my god, Tarja!”

 

“What? What is it? Am I going to crash into something?” she demanded in a panic, her eyes flitting frantically over the road to search for the oncoming danger.

 

“No, it’s not that, you’re fine,” Sharon assured her.

 

“Oh my goodness, you scared me half to death!” Tarja exclaimed.

 

“Sorry, but I just realized that I should’ve used the phone at the rental car place to call Robert,” she sighed. “My phone’s dead. They don’t even know where we are or what happened. What if they cancel the show because they think we aren’t going to make it? Does your phone have any battery left?”

 

“You can check,” Tarja shrugged, throwing her purse over onto Sharon’s lap.

 

Sharon opened it and an rifled through Tarja’s makeup to find her phone. She pressed the button but nothing happened.

 

“It’s dead,” Sharon sighed.

 

She put it back in her purse and came across a black package of candy with a Finnish name on it that she couldn’t understand.

 

“What is this … sal … salmik … ”

 

Tarja giggled. “Salmiakki. It’s salty licorice.”

 

“Salty licorice?” Sharon asked in disbelief, wrinkling her nose. “That sounds revolting!”

 

“It’s not, I swear! Try it before you make judgements!”

 

“No way.”

 

Tarja shrugged. “Suit yourself. But I want one.”

 

She held out her hand and Sharon put one of the black log shaped candies into Tarja’s open palm.

 

“Thank you,” she grinned, and popped it into her mouth.

 

Sharon looked at the bag dubiously. “What does it taste like?”

 

“It tastes like black licorice with a salty inside!”

 

“Okay … ” Sharon said hesitantly. “I’m going to do this.”

 

She slowly put the candy up to her mouth. “Will you be grossed out if I have to spit it out?” she asked.

 

Tarja laughed. “No, of course not. Just eat it!”

 

Sharon took a deep breath and put the candy into her mouth. It just tasted like black licorice at first, but as she began to chew, she was able to detect the salty interior of the candy.

 

Tarja glanced over at her as she ate it, not able to contain her laughter at seeing the expression on Sharon’s face.

 

“So, what do you think?”

 

Sharon giggled, almost spitting the candy out. “It’s disgusting!” she cried through laughter.

 

They both started to laugh uncontrollably and Sharon barely managed to swallow.

 

“It’s an acquired taste,” Tarja sighed. 

 

Finally their laughter subsided.

 

“Sharon!” Tarja exclaimed suddenly. “Do you have your charger? There’s probably an outlet in the car to charge your phone.”

 

“Oh my god, I’m an idiot!” Sharon rolled her eyes. “Why on earth didn’t I think of that?”

 

Sharon reached into her own purse and connected her phone to the cord, and then plugged the cord into the port underneath the radio.

 

She waited until it turned on, and then unlocked it and saw that she had 37 missed calls and 15 messages. She opened Robert’s contact. Her finger hovered over the phone icon and she bit her lip.

 

“What is it?” Tarja asked gently, noticing her hesitation.

 

“What if he already knows, Tarja?” Sharon asked softly, her voice beginning to tremble. “What if he already knows what happened? I can’t do this. I can’t talk to him.”

 

She felt Tarja’s hand gently rest on her arm. “I’m sorry, Sharon. Maybe you could call one of the other guys?”

 

Sharon shook her head. “If Robert hasn’t found out already, he would wonder why I didn’t call him.”

 

“True,” Tarja sighed, gently rubbing her hand up and down Sharon’s arm and Sharon closed her eyes briefly, relishing in the comfort she felt from the touch. “Well, there isn’t really any way around it then, is there?”

 

“I suppose not.”

 

“Sharon, don’t you think he would want to know that you’re alright?” Tarja asked quietly after a beat of silence. “Even if he has found out what happened?”

 

Her voice changed when she said the last few words and Sharon knew she felt just as bad about what they had done as she did.

 

“I guess you’re right,” Sharon whispered.

 

She pressed the call icon and held the phone to her ear.

 

Tarja slid her hand into Sharon’s and squeezed it tightly as the phone began ringing on the other line.

 

When Sharon looked over at her, she saw the deep care and concern in her green eyes and she felt her heart swell with gratitude.

 

“Sharon?”

 

She cleared her throat and quickly looked away from Tarja, shifting her focus to the road in front of them.

 

“Robert, hi. I-I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay, and that Tarja and I are on our way,” she said to him in Dutch.

 

“Where are you? I’ve tried to call you a million times this morning. We’ve been worried sick about you two,” his voice sounded concerned; there was no hint of anger or resentment at all. Was it possible that he didn’t know yet?

 

“I’m sorry, Robert. My phone died. I was finally able to plug it in in the car. We’re on the freeway somewhere above Marseille … it’s … ” she peered out the window and saw a sign reading the city that they were in. “It’s called Aix-en-Provence. We’re not going to make it for the sound check and the rehearsal, but please don’t cancel the concert. I’ll call you throughout the day and give you updates on where we are. If everything goes okay, we should be there before the concert. Are you guys on your way to Paris already?”

 

“Yeah, we left at o’dark hundred this morning,” he chuckled. 

 

“I’m really sorry about this,” she said.

 

“It’s okay. What happened? How did you guys get all the way down to Marseille?”

 

She closed her eyes. He really didn’t know then.

 

“Can we talk about this later?”

 

“Sure … are you alright?”

 

“Yes,” she sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “I’m … fine. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

 

“I love you.”

 

A lump rose in her throat. “I love you too.”

 

She shut her phone off and set it down to let it charge, and then sat back in the seat.

 

Tarja let go of her hand and rested it on her arm again. “How did it go?”

 

Sharon sighed, finding that she immediately missed the feeling of Tarja’s hand in hers. “I just told him where we are and that I would check in with him as the day goes on. He asked what happened, so evidently he doesn’t know yet.”

 

She hesitated for a moment before asking, “Do you … do you want me to call Marcelo for you?”

 

Tarja visibly tensed. “No … that’s okay. I’m sure Robert will tell everyone we’re alright. I don’t know his number off the top of my head anyway so I couldn’t have you do it. I’ll just call him later.”

 

Sharon nodded and a heavy silence fell over the car.


	3. Sing-a-long

12:35 pm

 

Sharon felt like she was suffocating and drowning in the tension that had settled over them after the phone call. There was nothing to distract them from their thoughts anymore.

 

“Do you mind if I put some music on?” Sharon asked a while later, breaking the silence.

 

“No, go ahead,” Tarja said.

 

Sharon reached for the dial and turned to a rock station. It’s funny how music can change an atmosphere, even an extremely tense one. It lifts spirits and provides another thing for the mind to focus on.

 

“Is this okay?”

 

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

 

The only sound in the car was the music for the next half hour. Tarja kept her eyes on the road and Sharon looked out the window.

 

Sharon desperately wanted to talk to her friend, tell her how sorry she was and how much she wished they could rewind time and keep them from screwing up both of their lives.

 

But the thing was … there was a part of her, a tiny part of her that didn’t regret what happened. There was a part of her that wished she could remember everything that had taken place the previous night. She had never been with a woman before and she had no idea what it would be like, but she had always imagined that it would be amazing, especially if it were with someone like Tarja ...

 

A blush colored her cheeks and she prayed that Tarja wouldn’t notice and guess what she had been thinking about.

 

Sharon shook her head and tried to push away the thoughts she had been having. It was stupid to entertain those ideas about Tarja anyway. Their night together had been a mistake, plain and simple. They were friends, or at least they had been. Would things ever be the same between them again? 

 

She glanced over and saw that Tarja had an iron grip on the steering wheel and a look of intense concentration in her green eyes.

 

Sharon looked away quickly, not having to guess what the Finn was thinking about. 

 

What was she going to tell Robert? She didn’t even want to look herself up online to see what sort of crazy pictures had been published from the night before. As soon as Robert saw them, he would know. He would be so hurt that she had cheated on him. And the show … they still had the show tonight. The last thing she wanted to do was face him. For the first time that day, she was grateful for the long time they had to spend in the car. It gave her more time before she had to face Robert.

 

The familiar intro to Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell pulled her out of her thoughts. Sharon smiled, and when she looked over at Tarja she saw that the Finn hadn’t been able to keep her lips from curving upwards either.

 

Sharon reached for the dial and turned the volume up.

 

“Last night a little dancer came dancin' to my door. Last night a little angel came pumpin cross my floor,” Billy sang from the radio. 

 

Sharon started to sing along softly, “She said ‘Come on baby I got a license for love

And if it expires, PRAY HELP FROM ABOVE’, BECAUSE-”

 

“Tarja, sing with me!” she cried as the song moved into the chorus.

 

Tarja was laughing hard by now. “No!” she giggled. “No way.”

 

“IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR, SHE CRIED MORE, MORE, MORE!” Sharon belted. “WITH A REBEL YELL, SHE CRIED MORE, MORE, MORE. IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR, BABE, MORE MORE, MORE! WITH A REBEL YELL, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE!”

 

“Sharon!” Tarja cried. “You’re distracting me! I am trying to drive here!”

 

Sharon ignored her and started to do dramatic air guitar.

 

“You need to loosen up and have a little fun!” Sharon teased. “Or this is going to be one long car ride.”

 

“I am not singing along to this song.”

 

“I know you’re more fun than this,” Sharon sing-songed. “I think you’re holding back!”

 

“No, no, let’s just change the station … ”

 

Sharon turned the volume up even louder.

 

“What set you free, I need you here by me … ”

 

“BECAUSE!” Sharon yelled. “Come on! This is all you!”

 

Tarja rolled her eyes. “Oh, for fuck’s sake … IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR, SHE CRIED MORE, MORE, MORE!” she sang.

 

“WOO-HOO!” Sharon cheered, and then joined her in singing the rest of the chorus.

 

They sang along to the radio for the next hour, loudly and sometimes off-key, laughing until they both had stitches in their sides, their worries forgotten. Sharon couldn't remember the last time she enjoyed herself this much. Things with Robert were safe and enjoyable. Dependable. He was a constant by her side that made her feel comfortable with her life. But being with Tarja was a deep, indescribable feeling that made her head spin and her heart race. It was a feeling she had never experienced before, and she knew she never wanted it to stop.

 

They pulled over a while later and switched seats so Sharon could drive and Tarja could rest. Sharon's phone had finished charging so Tarja plugged hers in. Sharon saw her friend bite her lip as she looked at the illuminated screen and Sharon quickly averted her eyes, knowing Marcelo must have called Tarja countless times, just as Robert has done to her. 

 

After they had finished eating their granola bars, silence settled over them once more, although it was less uncomfortable this time. 

 

Sharon glanced over at Tarja from time to time, seeing her friend’s eyes begin to flutter closed. A few minutes later, the younger woman was fast asleep with her head leaning against the window.

 

Sharon smiled fondly and turned the radio off, then returned her attention to the road.

 

When her she looked over again, she saw that Tarja’s hair was obscuring part of her face, just like it had been that morning. She was smiling slightly in her sleep and her arms were wrapped around herself.

 

Sharon felt a lump rise in her throat as the reality of her feelings hit her. She wanted to go to bed every night and wake up every morning to see what was in front of her now. She wanted to hold her and be held by her. She wanted to eat breakfast together in the morning and hold hands when they went grocery shopping. And oh, how she wanted to kiss her. She wanted to run her fingers through her midnight hair, wrap her arms around her waist and pull her close, stroke her cheeks and feel her lips on hers. Sharon wished she could remember how it had felt to kiss her the night before, because it had to have been the best thing she had ever experienced.

 

Sharon didn’t realize that she had been crying until she felt tears fall onto her arm. What had she gotten herself into? She was hopelessly, irrevocably in love with Tarja Turunen.


	4. Phone Call

3:30 pm 

They had just crossed into Lyon when Sharon saw the gas light come on. Sighing, she switched lanes to get over to the right and turned off at the next exit.

She pulled up to the gas pump and turned off the car. Tarja opened her eyes and sat up, looking over at Sharon and blinking sleepily.

“Where are we?”

“We’re in Lyon. Had to stop for gas,” Sharon explained, opening her door and quickly hopping out of the car to avoid having to interact with her more.

When Sharon started pumping the gas, Tarja leaned against the car by her side.

“If we keep going at this pace we should make it, right?” Tarja asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” Sharon ran her free hand through her hair. “But the problem is, we’re going to hit traffic soon.”

“Oh, god you’re right,” Tarja sighed. “We need to make this quick then.”

Sharon nodded. As she replaced the pump in the hoster, she felt a burning pain tugging at her heart. Was this how things were going to be between them for the rest of the car ride? For … the future? Avoiding eye contact and conversation as much as they could? Talking about only what was absolutely necessary? After this concert, would they ever see each other again? Or would Tarja avoid her at all costs? Just the thought of it felt like a knife being driven through her heart. She remembered the first day they met, on the shoot for the Paradise music video, like it was yesterday. How everything between them just seemed to click effortlessly, like they had known each other forever. Of course Sharon wanted to be with her, to fall asleep holding her and kiss her until she was breathless, but that was a stupid fantasy anyway. She just wanted their friendship back. It meant the world to her. 

She and Tarja went inside the store at the gas station to get more food. 

They were looking at the sandwiches when Sharon noticed the tears that had pooled in Tarja’s eyes. Sharon bit her lip. She didn't know what to say or do. She wanted to pull the smaller woman into her arms and hold her tightly, tell her that everything was going to be okay. But she knew she couldn’t.

She quickly grabbed a sandwich from the case and headed over to get in line at the cash register. Tarja followed close behind her and she was setting her food down on the counter when her phone started to buzz. She glanced down at the caller ID and then looked up at Sharon. 

“I need to take this,” she said, her voice shaking. Sharon noticed that her hands were trembling and her face had gone a shade paler as well.

“That’s fine,” Sharon attempted a reassuring smile at her friend, although she was pretty sure it looked like she was having some sort of a facial seizure. “I’ll take your stuff.”

“Thanks,” Tarja whispered, and hurried out the door.

As Sharon waited in line, she craned her neck and tried to look outside to make sure Tarja was okay. She assumed it had been Marcelo calling her from the way she had reacted. All Sharon could see from where she stood inside was Tarja leaning against one of the brick pillars outside of the gas station store, her body turned away and the phone held to her ear.

The lady in line ahead of Sharon looked like she was stocking up for an apocalypse; dozens of candy bars, boxes of variety chip bags, a container of five slurpees. 

Sharon waited impatiently as the man behind the counter rang up all of apocalypse-lady’s goods, and then put their sandwiches and snacks on the counter. 

Once she had paid and she was walking towards the exit, Sharon suddenly wondered if Tarja would think she was nosy if she went outside and overheard her conversation. 

After hesitating for a moment, Sharon sighed and opened the door, figuring that she would have to go outside eventually anyway. She flashed Tarja a quick smile as she walked past her and Tarja mouthed “I'm almost done.” Sharon nodded and continued walking to the car, admittedly slower than she normally would have, hoping to overhear some of Tarja’s conversation. 

“Yes, yes, I'm fine.”

A pause. 

“Yes, I’m sure. It’s fine. … Alright, talk to you later.”

Sharon got into the car and closed the door, waiting for Tarja to join her. She pulled out her phone and texted Robert that they were in Lyon and then watched through the window as the smaller woman made her way over to the car, her head down.

“Hey,” Sharon said gently as Tarja slid into the driver’s seat. “You okay?”

Sharon reached out to touch her arm.

Tarja stared at the floor so Sharon couldn’t see her face. “Yeah,” she whispered, but Sharon could hear the held back tears in her voice.

“Oh, honey,” Sharon murmured, and leaned across the seat to put her arms around her friend the best she could with the center console in between them.

Tarja buried her face in Sharon’s shoulder and a series of choked sobs escaped her. Sharon rubbed up and down her back and murmured soothing words.

“I couldn’t do it,” Tarja whispered, not lifting her head. “I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. He doesn’t know yet and I just … I just can’t … “

Tears had crept back into her voice and they began to fall again. Sharon pulled her closer and held her tightly.

“I know I’m going to have to tell him at some point, but I just couldn’t do it,” Tarja said, finally lifting her head and looking at Sharon with watery eyes. “He seemed- he sounded so concerned and he wanted to make sure I was alright and he has no idea what I’ve done!”

Sharon’s heart clenched painfully in her chest and before she could think twice about it, she leaned forward and gently wiped the tears from underneath Tarja’s eyes. She was expecting the Finn to push her away, but instead, she closed her eyes and leaned into Sharon’s touch. Sharon carefully placed her hands on Tarja’s cheeks, her heart pounding madly. Tarja didn’t make any attempt to pull back or speak, she just held Sharon’s gaze. Sharon felt tears filling her own eyes as she realized how much she wanted to kiss her softly and tenderly right there in the car. They could skip the concert and drive off somewhere remote, never having to deal with the pain of real life and the consequences of their actions.

Sharon eventually came back to reality and out of her thoughts to see Tarja looking at her with a strange expression on her face, one of curiosity and interest, but was there also longing? Wishful thinking, Sharon told herself. The moment seemed to last forever, both of them lost in the other’s eyes. It would be so easy, Sharon thought, to kiss her. But she knew she couldn’t. So instead, she slowly brought her lips down in a gentle kiss on the other woman’s forehead.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Sharon said as she pulled away. “I promise.”

“Thank you,” Tarja whispered, turning away quickly.

Sharon watched as Tarja tried to put the key in the ignition; she kept missing the slot because her hands were shaking so much. Sharon placed her hand over her friend’s and helped her slide the key in.

“Are you going to be okay to drive?” Sharon asked. “I don’t mind if you don’t feel like you can’t do it.”

Tarja shook her head and smiled weakly. “I’ll be fine.”

Sharon nodded, although still not convinced that Tarja really was alright. Silence settled over them again, somehow even more tense than before. Because they both knew that something had almost happened between them earlier, and they were realizing how much they wished it had.


	5. So Close

4:44 pm

“Sharon?” Tarja said, a pensive look on her face. 

“Hmmm?” Sharon looked up from the book she had been absorbed in. 

“Don't you think it's odd that Robert and Marcelo haven't found out about what happened? I mean, it's almost 5:00. They've had all day to see something about it.” 

A sigh blew through Sharon’s lips. “Well, I doubt they Google us just for fun. The only other way they'd find something out is through social media, and the reception probably isn't good enough for that.” 

“You're right,” Tarja murmured. “I … I guess I almost hoped they would find out on their own. Now we have to tell them.”

“Let’s … let’s not worry about that right now, okay?” Sharon said. “We still have plenty of time before we get there.”

Tarja nodded.

They drove in silence for a while, a silence that was more strained than ever before. Sharon glanced over at her friend every few minutes, her heart aching at seeing Tarja’s clenched jaw and expressionless eyes staring out at the road.

“Do you want to eat?” Tarja asked a half hour later. The sky was tinged with pink and orange and lights were beginning to illuminate the buildings beyond the road. They had just stopped and switched seats.

“Sure,” Sharon said as they crested a hill. Tarja reached into the backseat for the bags from the gas station.

“Oh my god,” Sharon whispered, panic inching into her voice.

“What is it?” Tarja quickly turned back around, the bags of food in her lap, and her eyes widened as she saw what was in front of them.

The hill had been blocking their vision earlier, but as they came down the other side, they could clearly see a solid sea of shimmering cars stretching out as far as the horizon.

“Oh, no,” Sharon said. “No, no, no. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening! Can you see where we are on your phone?”

Tarja grabbed her phone from its resting place on the center console and opened maps.

“We’re in Auxerre,” Tarja said. “169 kilometers from Paris, an hour and 45 minutes without traffic. And it’s about 5:30.”

“Are there any other routes?” Sharon cried.

“Yeah, but we’re on the fastest one. And it shows that there’s traffic on the other roads, too. I don’t think there would be rush hour traffic out here- it’s not that close to the city. There’s probably an accident somewhere, which means it will clear up soon … hopefully.”

“Yeah, I guess. What are we going to do?” Sharon whispered, gazing out at the infinite ocean of metal ahead of them.

“We just have to keep going,” Tarja said firmly. “It’s the only way. I can text Robert for you and let him know what’s going on.”

“Thank you so much,” Sharon said, unlocking it and handing it to her.

“Do you think they could delay the concert?” Tarja asked as her fingers danced over the screen of Sharon’s phone.

Sharon sighed. “For a while, maybe, but not forever. And certainly not long enough for us to make it through … this,” she gestured at the road.

Silence hung in the air as Tarja waited for Robert to respond.

“He said they can delay it for a half an hour,” Tarja reported. “And … um, he said to … to tell you he loves you.”

Sharon bit her lip. “Thanks,” she said softly.

She closed her eyes briefly when she felt the Finn’s soft hand gently touch her arm. Somehow, that simple gesture brought peace into her conflicted mind and told her that everything would be alright.

A thought came to her a moment later; if they missed this concert- if they were too late and it had to be canceled, not only would they disappoint thousands of fans, but it was supposed to be her last show with Tarja. After this, the Hydra tour was over. She felt extremely lucky that Tarja had found time to participate in the last leg of the tour in France with them, but she knew that it was unlikely to ever happen again.

“Tarja?” she said, already fighting to keep the tears at bay.

“Yes?”

Sharon took a deep breath. “I-I just wanted you to know … that even if we don’t make it for this last concert, it … it’s been a privilege to sing with you. It has meant so much to me that you were able to come with us for this part of the tour, and I don’t want to lose our friendship because of what happened because it…”

Tears had invaded her voice. She couldn’t continue without letting them fall.

“Sharon…”

She held up her finger to let Tarja know she wasn’t done. She swallowed the lump in her throat, and after a shaky breath, went on.

“Our friendship means the world to me,” Sharon began quietly. You mean the world to me.

“I hope we can still … you know, keep in touch. After we go home tomorrow.” I wish we could be together.

“And I’m … really, really sorry for what happened last night.” I’m sorry it happened but I wish I could remember it. I would cherish the memory forever.

“I’ve enjoyed our time together so much, from when we first met doing the Paradise video to being on tour together. And I … I just don’t want to lose our friendship.” I love you.

Sharon forced the unspoken words back down her throat and glanced over at Tarja. The Finn’s lips were slightly parted and tears had pooled in her eyes. 

“Oh, Sharon,” she said in a choked whisper. She cleared her throat and tried to speak again. “I … I've been worrying about that all day,” she admitted. “I didn't know if you still thought we could be friends. I … I completely second everything you said. I have treasured every second I had with you. We- we made a mistake, but we can get past that … can't we?”

“Of course,” Sharon said softly, still trying to choke back her tears.

Her eyes met Tarja’s. The traffic was completely stopped and everything was still and silent around them. Before she knew what she was doing, she leaned closer until their faces were mere inches apart. Just like earlier, Tarja didn’t pull away; she just sat still, her eyes never leaving Sharon’s. Sharon reached up and gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, her hands trembling uncontrollably. Her hand lingered on Tarja’s cheek, her thumb stroking her skin ever so gently. Her heart was thudding so hard, it felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. She felt herself drowning in Tarja’s emerald pools as she closed the distance between them. No sooner had their lips brushed then a car horn blared behind them. They jolted apart as if struck by electricity, and Sharon pressed on the accelerator. 

The traffic was moving now, and the road was clearing up as the freeway spread into more lanes.

“We- we might make it!” Sharon said, desperately trying to keep the wheel steady. Her mind was whirling and her hands were shaking so much she was afraid she was going to crash the car. What had she just done? Tarja hadn’t pulled away from her. Did that mean she felt the same way? Or was that just a delusional fantasy Sharon was indulging herself in?

“Yes, I think we have a chance now!” Tarja’s voice sounded unsteady.

“C-can you let Robert know?”

Saying his name made Sharon’s throat close up and fresh tears fill her eyes. She loved Robert. He was her best friend, the companion she had gone through life with for years. Whatever she was feeling now was just a passing phase.

“Sure,” Tarja replied softly.

Sharon tried her best to focus on the road in front of her. That was simple. Driving was supposed to be therapeutic; give you something to focus on and wipe all your worries away. But that didn’t really work when the object of your worries was sitting in the car next to you. 

Sharon squared her shoulders and sat up straight in the seat. It would all be over the next day. One more concert and then they would probably never see each other again. Sharon could forget about Tarja and what she felt when she was with her. She would go back to Robert, tell him what happened and that it was a mistake, and they would go on with their lives. That's all this had been- a mistake. One big, giant mistake.


	6. This Is Not Our Paradise

The remaining hour and a half it took them to get to Paris was completely silent, save for when Sharon asked Tarja for directions a few times. The traffic got worse as they entered Paris, but they made it to the venue at 7:30. Sharon pulled the car into a space in the parking garage and turned it off. The silence in the car became deafening without the steady hum of the engine. Sharon avoided Tarja’s eyes as she collected her purse and the bags containing their food. She stepped outside of the car and waited for Tarja.

The silence continued as they walked from the parking garage and into the concert hall. It was a beautiful building with a high, domed ceiling, walls that were cream colored with gold accents, and ornate carvings of angels and gargoyles adorning the outer walls.

Sharon’s mind was spinning. She had to say something. Anything. What had she done? They had finally broken through the earlier awkwardness, at least somewhat, and were actually talking to each other. And then she had lost all self-control and made things even more complicated between them. Tarja really wouldn’t want to speak to her ever again now. Maybe it was for the better, anyway. If they didn’t have any contact, it would be easier to forget her.

They had reached the wardrobe and makeup area, and Sharon realized that this was where they would separate until Tarja came onstage to sing Paradise.

“Good luck, Sharon,” Tarja said, glancing up at her briefly.

Sharon held her gaze. “Thanks. I’ll see you onstage.”

They parted ways and Sharon headed down the hall to her dressing room.

When she opened the door, Robert was waiting inside.

“Sharon,” relief flooded his features and he rushed over to her, grabbing her in a tight hug. She finally felt like she could relax; after everything that had happened that day, she was home. She breathed in his familiar scent of pine and clean air, and sighed into his shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re alright,” he whispered, still holding her close to him with one arm wrapped around her waist and the other stroking her hair. “I was so worried, honey.”

“Worried that we wouldn’t make it?” she asked, pulling away enough to look into his eyes.

“Well, of course, but I’m talking about this morning when you guys weren’t there. I was afraid something had happened to you. And then when you called me I at least knew you were okay, but all day I kept worrying that you guys would get into an accident or something. I’m just … it’s just good to have you back.”

He pulled her closer and she squeezed her eyes shut, burying her face in his chest. Guilt clawed violently at her stomach and caused tears to spring up in her eyes. Oh, her Robert. Her ever so perfect, caring, kind Robert. How could she tell him what she had done?

“Alright, darling. You need to get ready now,” he gently kissed the top of her head before releasing her.

“Yeah,” she swallowed hard over the lump that had formed in her throat. She flashed him a quick smile. “See you soon.”

**********

The ending notes to Stand My Ground faded away and the crowd cheered.

“Thank you everyone!” Sharon shouted into the mic. “Now for the next song we have something very special for you.”

There were a couple of gasps and screams.

Sharon smiled and waited for the noise to subside before saying, “Everyone, please welcome my dear friend Tarja Turunen!”

The crowd went wild as Tarja ran out onto the stage and the intro to Paradise began. There was plenty of instrumental before they started singing the actual lyrics, so Sharon quickly had to think of something to do to fill the time. At past shows, this part had just flowed naturally, but now, she just wanted to crawl under a rock. Tarja looked stunning with heavy black and silver makeup framing her eyes, tight silver skinny jeans, and a black tank top with chunky silver jewelry adorning her neck. 

Sharon smiled at her hesitantly as Tarja came closer to her on the stage. She returned the smile and Sharon felt relief surge through her veins. Maybe they would be okay after all. Or maybe Tarja was faking it and they really wouldn’t be alright, but what mattered at the moment was that they could sing the song and make it believable.

Sharon stuck her mic back in the stand and started clapping her hands above her head. Tarja quickly joined her, and soon the audience did as well. Sharon grinned as she felt the energy radiate from the crowd to the stage, and she saw a similar expression on the Finn’s face.

“There's no sense, the fire burns. When wisdom fails, it changes all. The wheel embodies all that keeps on turning,” Sharon sang. She and Tarja were facing each other from opposite sides of the stage, their gazes locked.

“Blood red skies, I feel so cold. No innocence, we play our role. The wheel embodies all, where are we going?”

They closed the distance between them and met in the center of the stage, facing the audience now.

“All in all you expect the wise to be wiser, fallen from grace, and all and all I guess we should have known better cause … ”

They grinned at each other briefly before launching into the chorus, pumping their fists in the air. “What about us? Isn't it enough? No, we're not in paradise! This is who we are! This is what we've got! No it's not our paradise, but it's all we want and it's all that we're fighting for … Though it's not paradise.”

Sharon put more emotion into the song than she ever had before, filling every word with the anguish, sadness, despair, conflict, and love she was feeling. And she had never connected with the song more than she did that night, with the words of the chorus perfectly describing her situation.

“What about us, what about us, what about us, isn't it enough?” they finished. Sharon could feel sweat streaming down her face and adrenaline pumping through her veins. The crowd went wild and she turned to Tarja. Love filled her heart as she looked down at the smaller woman, her face lit by the lights of the stage. The roar of the audience faded away as the only thing Sharon was able to focus on was the woman beside her and how much she loved her. She reached out and pulled Tarja into a close embrace.

The audience cheered even louder and Sharon closed her eyes, wishing that the moment could last forever.

**********

When the concert was over and they had taken their final bows, Sharon hurried back to her dressing room and changed out of her outfit as quickly as she could. When she stepped back outside into the backstage area, she saw Ruud sitting in a nearby armchair fiddling with his guitar.

“Ruud?”

He looked over his shoulder and smiled. “Hey, Sharon.”

“If you see Robert, can you tell him I went back to the hotel?”

His brow furrowed. “Sure … are you alright? What happened today, anyway? I didn’t get a chance to talk to you earlier.”

She ran her fingers through her hair, a sigh escaping her lips. “Look, I’m just … I’m just really tired right now. We spent all day on the road. I’ll, um, I’ll explain it to you later.”

“Okay,” he said slowly.

“I’m fine, I promise,” she forced a smile. “See you tomorrow.”

“Alright, bye,” he replied.

Tears were filling her eyes again as she walked through the concert venue to the street. She had no idea what to do. Tarja’s flight left early the next morning, earlier than her own. If she didn’t say goodbye now, there was a good chance she would never see her again. 

By this time, Sharon was standing on the street in front of the venue. She bit her lip, considering going back, but shook her head and continued walking. It was for the better.


	7. I Can't Sleep Because of You

Sharon winced when she heard the hotel room door open. She was lying on her side in the bed facing away from the door. 

“Sharon?” she heard Robert say softly as he stepped inside.

She closed her eyes as he walked across the room. She felt the weight on the bed shift as he sat down on the other side.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” he whispered, gently running his fingers through her hair. “I love you.”

Sharon heard Robert brush his teeth and turn out the light, and then felt him climb into bed next to her. After a few minutes, she heard his breathing coming slow and steady, and knew he was asleep. She sighed and opened her eyes, staring at the wall. She hadn’t paid attention to what colors were on it when she had entered the room earlier, and all she could make out in the dark was a floral pattern. She wished that sleep would take her; being awake forced her to think about Tarja more. Every time her mind started to wander that way, she abruptly stopped her train of thought and tried to go through song lyrics.

Sharon had sung Angels, Memories, Mother Earth, And We Run, and Let Us Burn in her head when she heard her phone vibrate from its place on the nightstand. She quickly grabbed it and silenced it so Robert wouldn’t wake up, then looked at the screen to see who was calling. Her heart stopped when she saw Tarja’s name. She carefully slid out of bed, opened the door, and shut it behind her. As soon as she was outside, she pressed the icon to accept the call and held the phone to her ear.

“Tarja?”

“Sharon … did I wake you up?”

“No. I’ve been awake all night.”

“Me too,” Tarja said softly.

There was a pause as Sharon racked her brain for something she could say.

“Can … can you come talk?” Tarja’s voice sounded shaky.

“Where could we meet?”

“I’m down in the gardens. They’re on the first floor. You’ll see a sign. I just … you left so quickly after the concert, I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.”

Sharon swallowed hard. “Sorry.” It was all she could manage, considering the reason Sharon had left so early was to avoid seeing her.

“Will you come?” Tarja’s voice was barely above a whisper.

How on earth was she supposed to say no?

“Of course. Just give me a minute to get down there.”

“Okay.”

Sharon pressed the icon to end the call and shut off her phone, then she pocketed it and gazed out over the balcony at the moonlit skyline. Was this the right thing to do? Or would it just make everything worse? She leaned on the railing and put her head in her hands, breathing deeply. She had to do this; she needed closure. 

Sharon quietly opened the door and went back inside. She changed into jeans and put on a black Metallica sweatshirt and boots, and slipped soundlessly out the door. 

The hotel gardens were beautiful, even in the dark. There was a bubbling fountain surrounded by marble benches and pink and red rose bushes. Tarja was perched on one of the benches, her legs crossed and her head resting on her arm, facing away from Sharon. 

“Hey,” Sharon said as she sat down next to her. 

Tarja turned towards her slowly. “Hey,” she replied, gazing up into her eyes. 

Neither one of them said anything for a moment. Sharon smiled as she took in the sight of the other woman; her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, all of her heavy concert makeup had been washed off, and she was wearing an outfit similar to Sharon’s, of a black sweatshirt and jeans. 

“You … you wanted to talk to me?” Sharon asked softly. 

“Yes,” Tarja whispered. “Yes, I did.”

“Okay,” Sharon swallowed hard, not knowing what to say to fill the silence. 

“Sharon …” Tarja's voice sounded strange. Sharon looked over to see liquid pooling in her emerald orbs. What she said next was barely audible; sound hardly escaped past her lips and her voice shook uncontrollably. “What's going on between us?”

Sharon opened and closed her mouth, no sound coming out. Her throat felt dry and her heart was beating out of control.

“I- I don’t know,” she choked out finally. “I don’t know what’s going on between us, Tarja. All … all I know is that …” she trailed off and took a deep breath to compose herself, “All I know is that I’m in love with you.”

After a long moment, she found the courage to look into her friend’s eyes. Sharon was afraid of what she might see- anger, confusion, disgust. But instead she saw a mixture of pain, relief, and dare she even hope … love?

“I don’t know what to do,” Tarja said, holding Sharon’s gaze. Her voice wavered dangerously. “I’ve been with Marcelo for fifteen years! I love him! But … I love you too. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling, oh god everything’s a mess, Sharon. You make me feel something … that I’ve never felt before.”

Sharon was stunned into silence. Tarja felt the same way about her. She loved her too. This seemed too good to be true, and in a way it was. There was no happy ending for them. There was no way someone wasn’t going to get hurt. But knowing that Tarja loved her made her heart dance in her chest and swell with hope.

“I want to be with you,” Tarja said quietly, her eyes shifting away from Sharon’s and to the ground. Sharon felt her heart leap. “But it would never work between us.”

“Why not?” Sharon whispered desperately. “Couldn’t we figure something out?”

Tarja threw her hands up helplessly. “Figure something out? How? We have children, Sharon! We both have children! We live on opposite sides of the world, we have different careers. We’d hardly ever see each other and-”

Sharon didn’t want to hear anymore. Without a second thought, she leaned in and kissed her hard. She felt Tarja’s body go stiff for a second, but then she completely relaxed and responded eagerly to the kiss. Her hands tangled in Sharon’s hair as Sharon’s arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her close. Sharon felt an incredible feeling of pure bliss wash over her as their kiss deepened. The world around them ceased to exist; her world only consisted of Tarja. Her beautiful scent of vanilla and peppermint, her lips that were as soft as flower petals, the soft skin Sharon felt when she slid her hands underneath her sweatshirt. The moment seemed to be an eternity and a split second all at once. When they gently separated, there was no mistaking the love she saw shining in her friend’s eyes.

They stayed wrapped in their own world, Tarja’s hands still stroking Sharon’s hair and Sharon tenderly caressing Tarja’s cheeks.

“Now what?” Tarja whispered after a long moment.

“I … I don’t know,” Sharon said, her voice trembling. “What should we do?”

“We have to go on with our lives,” Tarja said quietly. “We have to.”

“Have you told Marcelo yet?” Sharon asked.

Tarja shook her head. “No. It’s killing me. Everytime I look at him, I feel a huge wave of guilt wash over me. I’m going to tell him tomorrow morning before we leave for the airport. I can’t take it anymore. What about you?”

“No, I haven’t told him yet. But I will tomorrow … at some point.”

They were silent for a moment; the only sound that cut through the night air was crickets chirping in the bushes.

“Will- will I ever see you again?” a lump formed in Sharon’s throat.

Tarja smiled sadly. “We probably shouldn’t meet, not for a while.”

Sharon nodded. “Right.”

Neither one of them made any move to get up from the bench.

“This is the right thing to do, isn’t it?” Tarja asked softly a moment later.

“Of course,” Sharon said, trying to smile through her tears. “Of course it is.”

“Okay,” Tarja whispered.

There was another long pause.

“Well, we should probably go back. You have a flight to catch. You're going to be exhausted.” 

“Yeah,” Tarja said without meeting her eyes. “I guess so.” 

Sharon bit her lip, trying to keep her tears at bay. She felt completely lost. Did this mean that they would never see each other again? And if they did it would be awkward and they would barely speak? 

She looked over to see that Tarja had stood up. Sharon rose from the bench as well so they were facing each other. 

“Well,” she said softly. “I guess this is goodbye.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Tarja’s voice was trembling with invading tears. 

Sharon wrapped her friend tightly in her arms, the sight of her crying causing the dam to break on her own tears. Tarja clung to her with the same strength, and Sharon’s heart shattered as she felt Tarja’s body heaving with sobs. Sharon closed her eyes and tried to imprint the moment on her mind of Tarja’s scent, the feeling of the cotton of her sweatshirt, the cold night wind blowing around them. After a long moment, they let each other go. Their tears had subsided somewhat, but Sharon’s heart was still in pieces and now she knew it could never be whole again. 

When she got back to her hotel room, she felt worse than she could ever remember feeling. She was so exhausted she could barely move, and she had an awful sinking feeling in her stomach that she had just made the worse mistake of her life. She would tell herself that it was over and there was nothing she could do about it, but then seconds later the sinking feeling would return. Everything she had felt with Tarja today, including kissing her … especially kissing her, she had never felt before. But that was just attraction! It didn't mean a relationship with her would work, Sharon told herself bitterly.

Finally her exhaustion got the better of her and she slumped down in the cushy armchair and hid her head in her hands. She felt guilt tug at the remains of her heart. She had to tell Robert the next morning, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to live with herself. He already knew something was wrong, anyway. Maybe if she practiced what she had to say, it wouldn’t be as hard when she actually had to do it.

She took a deep breath and whispered, “Robert, I have to tell you something. Something important. I … I went crazy for someone. I went crazy for someone and it wasn’t you. And even though it’s over now … I just thought you should know. I … I cheated on you. Oh, Robert, I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to happen. I never meant for any of this to happen. But it’s over. I’m not going to see her again, Robert. I’m going to move on. I love you. I love you and I’m sorry.”

By this time, she was sobbing silently into her hands. She carefully climbed into bed next to Robert and buried her face into the pillow to muffle the sound of her sobs as she cried herself to sleep.


	8. The Unstoppable Force

The next morning, Sharon woke up to Robert shaking her gently.

“Wake up, honey, we need to get ready to go,” he said.

She slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him. He smiled and gently brushed a piece of hair from her face. There was an odd look in his eyes that made her uneasy. She hoped that her eyes didn’t betray any evidence of how hard she had been crying the night before, but Robert didn’t say anything. He went into the bathroom, and she got out of bed to get an outfit from her suitcase. She put on jeans and a black sweater and started packing her things.

“What time do we have to leave?” she asked when Robert came back out.

“It's 5:30. We have about an hour until we have to be at the airport,” he said, staring at a spot on the wall behind her. “I thought we could get breakfast.”

“Okay.”

He turned quickly away from her and started putting things into his suitcase. She frowned. Why was he acting so weird? There was no way he could know what happened. If he did, he would have told her as soon as he had seen her the day before.

“All packed?” he asked quietly a moment later, still not looking her in the eyes.

“Robert, what’s wrong?”

He looked up at her then.

“I know what’s going on,” he said, a strange tone in his voice that she had never heard before.

Her heart sank into her stomach. “You … you …” she whispered helplessly.

“Yes.”

“How?” she croaked over the lump that had risen in her throat.

“I heard you talking last night,” he said, “when you thought I was asleep.” His voice betrayed no emotion; she couldn’t tell how upset he was with her.

Her hand flew to her mouth. “Robert … oh god, Robert, I’m so sorry. I was going to tell you. I promise, I was going to tell you …”

“I also heard your phone vibrate and I heard you go out to the balcony to talk to her. I heard you leave to go meet her.”

“How did you know that’s what I was doing?” she cried defensively. “Did you see something online about us? I thought you didn’t know yet, or you would have said something earlier …”

He smiled sadly. “Sharon, I’ve known for a long time.”

Her heart sunk even further. “What do you mean?” she asked in a small voice.

“I mean that when we shot the video for Paradise, I could see the way you looked at her. When you talked to me about her, your eyes lit up. You always acted weird if you were texting her talking to her on the phone. You seemed nervous and you would always avoid me afterwards. You’ve spent every possible moment with her on this tour, and you still look at her the same way. And when we were in Geneva at that bar, you danced with her. You were drunk, I don’t know if you remember it. The other guys were making jokes, but I knew what was really happening; you were falling in love. You told me that you guys were going to leave and do some other things around town, and you left the bar with your arms around each other.”

He took a deep breath. “So, yes, I’ve known for while now. When I heard you last night, it only confirmed what I already knew.”

She was speechless. He knew. This whole time, he knew. He had known before she had figured out her feelings.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered helplessly, tears pooling in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Robert. Please believe me, I never meant for this to happen. I didn’t know …” she took a deep breath to compose herself before her tears overtook her, “I didn’t know how I felt for her until yesterday. I had never intended to be unfaithful to you. I know it doesn’t matter, but I don’t even remember it. We were both so drunk … oh god, Robert I’m so sorry. I understand if you’ll never forgive me. But just know that I would never try to hurt you like this. I didn’t mean to do this …” she trailed off and tears streamed down her cheeks.

Wordlessly, he stepped forward and put his arms around her, holding her tightly and rocking her gently. 

“Of course you didn’t mean to, honey,” he stroked her hair and she buried her face in his shoulder. “I believe you. And I forgive you.”

Relief flooded her and she pulled away and looked up at him. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I don’t deserve it.”

He just smiled and cupped her cheek, looking into her eyes. No, she couldn’t leave him. She would move on from Tarja and be fine.

“Let’s just forget about all of this,” she said, “and go to breakfast and get out of here.”

She turned around and stood her suitcase up. When she faced him again, she noticed that he hadn’t moved.

“Robert?”

He sighed. “Is this what you want?”

“Is … is what what I want?” her voice trembled.

“To forget her and move on.”

She forced a smile. “Of course it is. It was just a stupid fling, Robert. It didn’t mean anything.”

“You may be a great singer, Sharon, but you’re a terrible actress.”

He walked slowly toward her, closing the distance between them until they were standing inches apart again. He gestured to the bed and they both sat down.

“Do you love her?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know,” she whispered.

Neither one of them spoke for a moment.

“Yes,” the sound barely came out of her mouth. “But it doesn’t matter.”

“Oh, Sharon,” Robert said gently, putting his hand over hers. “That’s all that matters.”

She met his gaze and felt the crack in her already broken heart deepen when she saw the deep sadness in his eyes.

“I’m not leaving you,” she said firmly.

He just shook his head and smiled. 

“Oh, my love,” he said softly, reaching up to stroke her cheek. “Sharon, you know that I love you. I love you so much. And more than anything, I want you to be happy. I wanted to be the cause of happiness in you. But love,” he paused and smiled, “love is an unstoppable force and I can’t stand in the way of it.”

“Robert …” she whispered helplessly.

“Go to her.”

“What?”

He gestured at the door. “Go to her. Marcelo said their flight leaves at 6:30.You can still make it to the airport before her flight leaves if you hurry.”

Tears blurred her vision. “Robert … I don’t know what to do!”

He hugged her tightly. “Do what your heart tells you.”

She sobbed into his chest. Every single emotion surged through her body, her mind and heart filled with conflict. 

“What if she rejects me?” Sharon whispered.

“If the way I’ve seen her look at you is anything to go by, she won’t,” Robert said. “If your heart is telling you to do it, take this chance. Please. I don’t want you to stay with me to try to save me from getting hurt. I’ll be okay, I promise. I want you to follow your heart and do what is going to make you happy.”

“What about the kids?” she cried. “What about us? I don’t want to lose you! You’re my best friend! Will you still speak to me?”

“Oh Sharon, of course I will. It might be awkward at first, but I promise we will work things out. Okay?”

She nodded weakly.

“As for the kids, I think they’ll understand. We can explain it to them, but you don’t have time for second thoughts now. If you don’t leave now, you won’t make it.”

“Okay,” she whispered, her voice shaking.

“Good luck,” he said.

“I’m so sorry about this, Robert,” she said, slowly rising from the bed.

“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart,” he said quietly. “You can’t control love.”

She fell into his arms and he hugged her tightly. 

“I never wanted to hurt you,” she whispered against his chest.

“I know, I know, darling,” he said, stroking her hair. “Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll be alright. I want you to be happy.”

She pulled away and looked up at him.The pieces of her heart were torn between the two people she loved. How could she risk this? How could she leave the man she had been with for years for the chance that Tarja would want her? What if it didn’t work out between them? There would be no chance Robert would take her back after that, and she would have screwed up her whole life. But there was a feeling deep inside her heart that it would be okay. That she would be okay no matter what happened, and the risk was worth it for what could come from it. The unexplainable feeling she had when she was with Tarja had a name. It was true love.

“Go to her,” he whispered, brushing a lock of hair from her face and cupping her cheek. “And be happy. You have to hurry now.”

“Okay,” she said, holding his gaze. 

She gathered her things and turned to go, then hesitated. She threw one last glance over her shoulder. Robert was still sitting on the bed, his eyes following her.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

“Of course,” he replied. “Good luck.”

With that, she opened the door and stepped into the hallway. She took a deep breath to compose herself and squared her shoulders. It was time to go. She had a flight to catch.

“TAXI!” she screamed once she was out on the sidewalk, waving her arms frantically. She was completely out of breath from sprinting through the hotel. 

A cab pulled over and she yanked open the door and got inside. 

“Airport, please,” she said breathlessly. 

The driver nodded and entered the flow of traffic. 

“And please go as fast as you can,” she added. 

“Trying to make a flight?” he asked, catching her eye in the rear view mirror. 

“Something like that,” she sighed, not wanting to get into the details of her situation. 

When the cab driver pulled up to the curb at the airport, she shoved a wad of bills into the driver’s hand, thanked him, leapt out the door, and practically flew over to the entrance to the airport. Once she was inside, she sighed in dismay. The place was huge. She didn’t even know where to go, and chances were that Tarja was already through security by now, which meant she would have to go through security to get to her. Her heart was beating out of control, and second thoughts crowded her mind again. This was possibly the most ridiculous thing she had done in her life. She probably wouldn’t even make it in time.

“Mademoiselle?” the voice of an airport worker at a nearby electronic station snapped her out of her daze. “Mademoiselle, ca va?”

“Oh, sorry,” Sharon mumbled, realizing that she had been standing in the middle of the rush of people in the baggage check area.

“Are you alright?” the woman asked her. “Can I ‘elp you?”

“Um, yeah, actually,” Sharon smiled weakly. “What gate is the 6:30 flight to Argentina?”

“Let me see,” the clerk typed something on the keyboard and her eyes scanned the computer screen. “Eet ees gate B 36. You weel go oopstairs and take a right. Zere you weel find a shootle that veel take you to security for zee B gates.”

“Got it,” Sharon said. “Thank you so much.”

“Good luck,” the clerk smiled. “Zee flight ees leaving in twenty minutes!”

As Sharon sprinted to the escalator, she realized that she had almost no chance of making it now, especially if there was a line for security. She felt the same panic that she had the day before when she had seen the traffic in front of their car on the way to the concert. Except this time, the stakes were higher. If she didn’t make it now, she would lose her forever.

She got to the top just as the shuttle doors were closing. She ran as fast as she could and made it before the doors shut. Breathing hard, she leaned against the window and watched the scenery go by as the shuttle made its way to the gate area. She was pretty sure it was the slowest moving transportation device she had ever been on in her life. Could it possibly go any slower? Tarja had probably already boarded the plane by now. This whole plan had been hopeless from the start.

But she wasn’t going to give up now. She had to try. As soon as the doors opened, she quickly scanned the area and saw, to her dismay, that the security line was miles long. That just wouldn’t do.

“Excuse me! Excuse me, please!” she said as she pushed past the people in line. Some people yelled at her and made snide remarks, others recognized her and stared. None of it mattered to her.

“Mademoiselle!”

“S’il vous-plait, attendez-vous!” (Wait, please)

“Mademoiselle, arretez la!” (Stop here)

The yelling of the security guards and the blaring of alarms faded into meaningless background noise as she sprinted past the security checkpoint and into the gate area. Her heart leapt when she saw people lined up at the gate of B 36. Maybe they hadn’t boarded yet after all.

“TARJA!” Sharon screamed as loud as she could, desperately searching the line of people for her love’s face. “TARJA!”

She threw a quick glance over her shoulder and saw that the guards were not far behind her. She ran the rest of the way to the gate and continued yelling at the top of her lungs. By now, most of the B gate area had gone silent and was watching the scene unfold.

“Tarja, please, can you hear me?” she continued to search the line, feeling the hope drain out of her.

“Sharon?” her head whipped around at the familiar voice. She recognized the familiar figure of her friend walking towards her. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she was wearing baggy jeans and a black top. Just the sight of her caused butterflies to fill her stomach. “What are you doing here?”

“Tarja,” she took a deep breath as the Finn reached her. “Tarja, please don’t get on this plane. I’m begging you. Please stay. There is so much more I need to say to you … so much that I didn’t tell you …” she trailed off as Tarja’s lips met hers. Everything around them melted away and Sharon felt joy fill every cell of her body and her broken heart flutter weakly with hope. She wrapped her arms around Tarja’s waist and pulled her as close as possible.

“I love you,” Sharon whispered when they parted.

“I love you too,” Tarja’s eyes were filled with happiness and love. “I’m so glad you came. I thought I would never see you again.”

“I thought so too,” Sharon murmured. “But I couldn’t let you go.”

Tarja rested her head on her shoulder and Sharon pulled her close. And in that moment, she knew that everything would be okay. This was true love.


End file.
